20 out of 20 Finally

It is around 9PM and Ajo just boarded his flight from Atlanta. I have been blogging every day for the past 20 days since Ajo left. I do not know why I started blogging but I am thinking that I wanted a memory of our separation penned.

Three weeks seemed like eternity when Ajo left to Atlanta. But now it is almost over. I am praying for his safe landing in NY. I hope he will be able to find peace and comfort in the scriptures. I am particularly happy that he is coming back before his 31st birthday.

It was an interesting 3 weeks. We had very minimum conversations. Our lives were very separate. Ajo in particular got a lot of time to himself which he enjoyed. There was one weekend we did not talk at all. Two nights - Hurricane night & the Noreaster night - I was a little shaken and fearful to sleep alone in our room. Even with the advance of technology and with both of us having iphones, not once we did 'Facetime'. There was no need for it. We were sufficient, we were busy in our worlds, and we were content in what life gave us. Perhaps, some of what I am writing needs a second look or perhaps I need a second look at myself.  We are both incredibly blessed to have the Lord  who continually have mercy on us.

Today, I went to my pediatrics clinical again. We had Indian food for lunch provided by a local pharmacy. I am thankful for the opportunities got gives me in my life.

As I am blogging I am following Ajo's flight on flight status updates.

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Updates: Ajo arrived last night around 1045am. I was  so happy that he got to sit next to kids who entertained him which took his mind off the flight. It is good to have you home!

19 out of 20 Finally the 2nd exam

Due to hurricane Sandy, exam 2 for pediatrics was pushed forward two weeks. Today we finally took the exam. A lot of us want the class to be over soon but we have a good amount of material to cover and our semester has been extended due to Sandy.

I woke up this morning. I cannot say I studied enough. My mind has been wandering here and there for the past 2 weeks. I went to school early and reviewed some material. After the exam, I felt like my brain was fried. I thought it was a fair exam but despite of all the studying that I did, there were a lot of questions that I wasn't sure about.

We had class after the exam. I stopped to see my nephew and my parents after class. When I came home, I just wanted to hit the bed. I talked to Ajo for about 20 minutes yesterday perhaps the most time I spent on the phone since he left. His training is almost done. He had one more night and one more day in Atlanta. He is expected to arrive tomorrow night.

18 out of 20 - Never the Same

Today I went to clinical in the morning. I was able to give a ride to the medical assistant. I talked to her for awhile. She was warm and joyful even in all her problems which is faced in her life. I hope to connect with her. The toner of the printer ran out today. A new toner was opened which spilled a lot of toner black carbon. I cleaned it up with a napkin without realizing that inhaling and ingesting the black carbon is harmful in many ways. It got me worried for awhile. I tired to research what were the repercussion and it was not calming. I pray that I will be fine.

Many days I come home after clinicals with feeling of inadequacy. Again, the way God has everything planned out is so intricate than I could possibly imagine. That means I have to work harder and see what I am lacking in my knowledge base.

Every time I go to pediatrics clinical, I come home feeling a little sick. It is like my immune system gets easily attacked by the common viruses that affects kids. Should I be a little worried?

Today I watched this incredible 15 minute video "Never the Same" that totally captured my heart. God calls people into places and uses incredible hearts to share the Gospel. Such an incredible testimony of God's work.  After I googled Papua, Indonesia, I was amazed.

When Gospel enters the heart of men, when God himself walks in that door of your heart, when Jesus in His mercy has compassion to bring light to our darkness, YOU ARE NEVER THE SAME. You are forgiven, accepted, and changed forever.

http://vimeo.com/pioneersusa/neverthesame

I went to sleep early yesterday. Ajo called me saying that he is doing some shopping at Target in preparation for his return on Friday.

17 out of 20 - Blessed for 37 years

Today, I went to my pediatric clinical site. It was a slow day which I really enjoyed. I am getting a little used to the population that I am the least comfortable with.

Praying for my co-workers and people I come in contact at work place has always been a challenge. This morning I spent some time praying for all the people that make up 7+ hours of my day. Between rest, sleep, time for self-care and other miscellaneous obligations in your life, the remainder of 1 or may be 2 hr (if your are lucky) you end up spending with your family. That is truly craziness.

Today is my parent's wedding anniversary. When I look back at broken families in this country alone, I can totally admit how immensely blessed I am for my parents. I thank the great God for His protection and guidance.  I can honestly say that their marriage and all marriages are sustained solely by God's grace and mercy. I thank God for my overprotective parents who stayed together through  thick and thin, who never gave up during uncertainties, and who stayed together so that I could always have a mom & dad. Though seldom uttered, I am grateful for them as always.

Ajo's training in Atlanta is almost coming to an end. He has 3 more days left.

16 out of 20 The decision

Today, I was supposed to have a vacation day to do my clinical. I cancelled my day so that I could go to work. My day was blessed. I was able to make a decision but I had to fully trust in God that He will be with me in my insecurities. I definitely made some smile, and others were disappointed. I hope and pray that my intentions were humble and truthful and did not come out arrogant and prideful . I also pray that I will be able to glorify God in my decision.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28

I celebrated my birthday again today with CDC staff. I did have a potluck lunch earlier but we didn't have a cake then, so my co-workers felt the need for a cake.

Ajo called me around 10 PM  via I was trying to study for my test. It was nice to chat with him. I can't believe he is coming back on Friday. After we spoke, I couldn't concentrate on my notes, words looked like mere letters to me and hence decided to go to sleep.

I have been truly blessed in everything. Sometimes in life your words or conversations are misunderstood very easily. I realized one thing that I should not pray about other people to change but instead ask God to change me. Help me to encourage others, edify others, and create joy in other even at the expense of my personal  desires. At the end of the day I do not want to care if I am happy or if I feel loved but have a peace that God is the only want that can provide what my soul yearns for.
I do not want to interrupt other people's schedule, their agenda, or their life neither do I want to called a person who is too inquisitive.

Help me in my challenges I pray!

15 out of 20 You are working all things out

Woke up this morning and decided to spent some time in prayer. I think I needed it so much. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Jesus in my life

I happen to read this:

“No human being was ever meant to be the source of personal joy and contentment for someone else. Your spouse, your friends, and your children cannot be the sources of your identity. When you seek to define who you are through those relationships, you are asking another sinner to be your personal messiah, to give you the inward rest of soul that only God can give.

"Only when I have sought my identity in the proper place (in my relationship with God) am I able to put you in the proper place as well. When I relate to you knowing that I am God’s child and the recipient of his grace, I am able to serve and love you.

"However, if I am seeking to get identity from you, I will watch you too closely. I will become acutely aware of your weaknesses and failures. I will become overly critical, frustrated, and angry. I will be angry not because you are a sinner, but because you have failed to deliver the one thing I seek from you: identity.

"When I remember that Christ has given me everything I need to be the person he has designed me to be, I am free to serve and love you. When I know who I am, I am free to be humble, gentle, patient, forbearing, and loving as we navigate the inevitable messiness of relationships.”

-- Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp

 This song gave me great encouragement. I think I have a decision for tomorrow morning. These scripture verses guided me a lot.

1)  Nothing is impossible with God. (Luke 1:37)

2) And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (Romans 8:28)

God is calling me to have hope. Hope is something unseen. 

God is calling me to have faith. Faith is something unseen. 

I went to Inwood Church this evening. It was such a blessing to worship God. After church two of us made a trip to the apartment of a elderly church member. I am glad I tagged along. 

I am waiting for my Ajo to call.

14 out of 20 The meaning of love

Yesterday, I couldn't talk to Ajo at all since he was busy. I wish I had a chance to hear his voice. I guess their is always a first for everything in life. I just prayed that he would be safe before I slept.

This morning I woke up early. It was my cousin's engagement service. I guess I did not want to wake up that early but I am glad I did. I felt this overwhelming presence of God in my life. I couldn't hold my tears. Felt a peace that passeth all understanding. How could I be so blessed to experience that?

I went to the engagement early to help out with something. I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in a while. Smile is contagious and smile overwhelmed with thanksgiving blots out all shortcomings. I pray that the couple will come to know the Lord more this year. I read 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13 today. Every time when I read that chapter I realize that I do not know anything about 'love'. The depth of how much 'love' matters is amazing. The driving force of everything I do in life should be stemmed out of 'love'. It is then I can reach the depths of the verses in chapter 13.

13 out of 20 Strange and memorable

Today is probably one of the days in my work life I will remember for a while. My part-time RN status got changed to a full-time status. I should be super excited but I wasn't. I didn't feel myself. I said and did things that wasn't me. Doubt, fear, and uncertainty surfaced more than I wanted to in my actions and conversation. I was troubled and needed God's touch.

I wanted to speak to Ajo but couldn't since he was at training. I decided to write him an email when I came home. I think I got out a lot of my emotions. I am glad I did.

I have an exam coming up for which I need to start studying for.

This decision is not going to be an easy one I bet. There are certain times in life where things don't seem to be possible at all. I don't think I can come to a decision by Monday. I have to and I pray I can. 

12 out of 20 - Wet, White & Windy

Thursday morning, we woke up to see fresh wet snow on the ground. We welcomed our first snowfall for the season though it was not the best scenario. Within 7 days, a hurricane and a noreaster had made an impact filled appearance. Already devastated areas suffered more damage. The people who were  recovering from the Hurricane power outages lost power again. New Yorkers were simply not excited about the snow storm.

I went to work and then headed to my graduate class. It was a long day. I came home around 10PM.
I did talk to Ajo briefly since Ajo wanted to sleep early. Sometimes I wish our conversations were more filled with substance and passion not just based on an obligatory checklist. I bet it is not but it sure fills that way sometimes.

11 out of 20 Here comes Athena

Last night I couldn't speak to Ajo. I was waiting for him to call. Before I knew it, it was already 11PM. I was so tired that I called Ajo to tell him that I was going to sleep. I decided to go to my clinical today. It was a busy day. Again, I hope that I get better at what I do. There are things I am less confident in, there are things I am not skilled with, and there are things that I don't feel knowledgeable about.

New York welcomed its first snow storm for the season "Athena" just a week after the superstorm Sandy devastated parts of the NY, NJ & CT. Athena is to bring snow and windy wintry conditions into early Thursday. The wind can knock down power, uproot trees, and cause more damage which New Yorkers are definitely not excited about. I didn't know how bad it had snowed until I stepped out of the office building around 530PM. It was windy, the snow was slushy and it was cold. I managed to get to my car and realized that I didn't have anything to clean the car with. Perhaps, I didn't look hard enough. I scrubbed and brushed the windows with a scarf which I found in the car. I was totally unprepared for the snow storm with my open shoes, and fall jacket. The drive was not too bad, I had to take it slow in some areas.

Another presidential election is over. Obama will remain in office till 2016. He has been voted in for a second term. A close race with Mitt Romney kept American's on their toes until the official declaration late last night. Four years went by really quick. The next 4 years will breeze by as well. With that being said, the policies and the decisions that our country made over the past 4 years will affect generations to come. As Christians, the disagreements regarding right to life and definition of marriage should never be compromised as we live in this country. The other less important issues can always be a personal preference. At the end of the day, after hearing a lot on TV and following a couple of Christian bloggers, I asked myself the question -Did I cast the right vote?  If the answer is Yes, then I need to believe that God is Sovereign and there is an urgent call for prayer. If the answer is No, then I need to still believe that God is Sovereign and there is an urgent call for prayer.

After a long day, I can't wait to go to sleep.

10 out of 20 Decisions and Results

Last night I called Ajo and we talked for about 10 minutes. Ajo was watching a football game when I called. Training is going good. He has another 10 more days in Atlants after today. Time is flying. My breathing was a little better last night and therefore I was able to sleep last night.

I had a meeting with my Director today. I think the talk went well. Not sure if I really spoke my mind out completely. Regardless, I am having a lot of dilemmas recently even though every single step and every single thought up to this very moment had been planned by the sovereign God. Honestly, I feel like I am in limbo.  I wish there is only one open road. Life is not about what I want and how I want it. I feel I am to glorify God in my brief time here and I pray that God will bring a decision that would precisely accomplish that. I may get disappointment on the road and that will be something that God can use to change me.

I voted today! There is a certain power in voting. It stems from having the voice to elect the President of your Country people call home regardless of your nationality, language, or religion. I voted today not for the perfect man but for someone who God can perfect in the future. The depravity of any man is sin and there is no man without sin. Regardless of your registered party, or who you vote for, tomorrow morning the world will wake up to hear the headlines about the new President of United States. The work had just started. Prayer is the work of every Citizen and realizing that we are not able to change men but God is able. Our temporary residence will never be a perfect place but will be far from perfections. As citizen we start to pray for the elected regardless of who comes into office.

I found out today that my exam got postponed again for next week. The aftermath of Sandy left our School without power until yesterday. The power is back on but websites and all phone systems are still down. What a mess! Gas is still sparse. Another storm is headed our direction tomorrow. People are still with out power, heat, and hot water in many parts of NY & NJ. Families are trying to deal with loss of homes, cars, and lives of loved ones and friends.

I haven't spoken to Ajo yet and I pray that he is doing good.

9 out of 20 Slow Road to Recovery

Last night was such a horrible night for me. After doing so many home remedies the whole day, I was struggling with my nasal congestion. I was frustrated! I tossed and turned and walked around trying to get some relief. Tried heat, cold, ice, air, and other options to get my nose to take a breath. I couldn't. Nothing worked! I was getting more exhausted from mouth breathing. I prayed that God would given me some relief. After about 3 hours of agony, I texted Ajo so I can talk to him. I called him as well. I didn't realize that it was almost 1PM. I did eventually fell asleep but Ajo texted me back around 3PM and I told him I needed his prayer. This morning, atleast one of my nasal passages seems clear.Thanks be to God! Work today was a typical busy Monday. I was exhausted by the end of the day. I was sleep deprived from last night which added to my exhaustion. I have been struggling with this lingering illness for the past 16 days. After 10 days of antibiotics, my illness seems to be getting worse or perhaps the road to recovery is just simply slow.

Sandy and it's aftermath frustration continues. Gas lines are still incredibly long, power & heat are still not restored for many, and people are getting uneasy and feeling powerless. Another storm is on the way to the Northeast as per Meteorologist. In the midst of all these, God is still sovereign.

I had a birthday party at work today. Every one cooked incredibly delicious food for me. I felt so loved and undeserving for such a celebration. I am honored to work with some awesome people who treat and love others with their heart. I pray for them all that Christ would overwhelm their hearts!

I had the opportunity to deal with one particularly difficult patient at work. Difficult would be an understatement. He was quite the personality. Every word that came out of his mouth was rude and absolutely inappropriate. He was unhappy, upset, frustrated, and angry. A mix of emotions that did not complement each other. Later I was able to find of he lost the roof of his house in the storm and perhaps lost everything in the process. The conversation was quick but I am guessing that he had anger and frustration stemming from loss and uncertainty. He has to contact FEMA and try to get back to his house to pick up the pieces. I know there are things I could have done better in my interactions but I just needed so much of God's grace.

I am waiting for Ajo's call. It is almost 9PM now.

Tomorrow is election day.I still remember the presidential election 4 years ago while we were staying in Reno. Nevada.

"May God bless America, not because this nation deserves to be blessed, but because He is a God of grace and mercy.  Oh God . . . save us from ourselves." Albert Mohler

8 out of 20 - Message of Prayer!

Need is subjective. I say that because there are obviously need in one person's life may not be a need for another person. There are obviously various degrees and levels of need. Today I woke up at my parents house with congested nasal passages. I always feel blessed to have the option of mouth breathing. I have to say since I have suffered from allergies for years, mouth breathing is tiring to some degree. After breakfast, I returned home to a cool house, I had lowered the heat before I left last night. In the meantime, my congestion worsens, I have to resort completely to mouth breathing to get oxygen.I tried all of my remedies - Netipot, Vicks personal steamer, & Flonase to no avail. I had plans to study, I had plans to attend our 5PM service, I had plans to visit my parents to have dinner - needless to sometimes God has other plans.

I repeated my Vicks inhaler for 20 minutes and decided to listen to a message. I got an opportunity to listen to Carter Conlon's message from last Sunday on their website -It’s Time to Pray
Faith & Prayer and battling fear is some of the contents he talked about. His messages based on Mark 11 was spirit -filled.

²²Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. ²³ I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. ²⁴ I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. ²⁵ But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that you Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”

I took a nap and woke up feeling a little better. I am able to breathe through from nose at least partially. I decided I need to stay home today because lately cold air has been causing some allergies and congestion flare-ups hence I am missing the Sunday service. Really would have liked to go.

Ajo called me and we talked for about 17 minutes (our record for the past 8 days). He is doing good. I bet he is tired and I hope will have a great week ahead of him. He had a good time visiting friends, family, church, and just hanging out with his cousins. In one way, I am happy he ended up going to Atlanta instead of California.

My in-laws just arrived back from Philadelphia. They are tired after a long drive.

So long! I look forward for tomorrow!

 

7 out of 20 - Sleep Over

Spoke to Ajo last night and he told me that he can't wait to get out of the hotel room to spend some time with friends and family. Perhaps, that's what he needs to get his spirits up. I do not think I am helping.

This morning I went to Clinical and returned around 3PM. After sleeping for about 1 hour or so, I went to a memorial prayer for my cousin's grandfather. The concept of born to die is a hard reality of life. Regardless when close family passes away, their memories linger on and the grief process takes time. I am glad I was able to go and offer my presence because no amount of comforting words can actually expedite the grief process.

Afterwards, I went to my parents to spent the night. I played with my cute and naughty nephew for an hour and called it a day. I haven't spoken to Ajo the entire day and that definitely bothered me a little. We exchanged few texts prior to me falling asleep.

Obviously it was a little hard to go to sleep  in a different bed and surroundings. Life is good and God is always good despite my craziness.

6 out of 20- Here is Friday

Who knew NY would face gasoline shortage! Superstorm Sandy agonize people as life without electricity, heat, & hot water continues. Now it is down to gasoline. Lines are miles long at functioning gas stations since yesterday. People are lacking some of the basic needs of water, shelter, and food in the wealthiest country in the world. Relief effort continue in the cities and in areas where help is needed. Perhaps we may have underestimated Sandy even though East coast was blessed to not experience a Katrina like catastrophe.

I have been greatly blessed these days. Just to experience that peace and comfort from the Lord is  humbling. Work for me has been a blessing. Ironic enough I am seeking God's guidance in this time of uncertainty. Ajo finished his 1st week of training today. I hope he is enjoying his training.

5 out of 20 - Gridlocks

Today is November 1st, 2012. This year is just breezing by. We have exactly 2 more months left in the glorious 2012. I feel like I am most often not grateful for a lot of things I have in my life. I am so attuned to my comforts I enjoy. I pray for a slice more of gratitude to overwhelm my heart.

I went to work this morning but ended up only working till 1230PM since we weren't quite busy. Call it perks or disadvantage of working part-time. Did I forget to mention that it took me a hour to get to work?. A 15 minute drive today ended up to be an hour due to chaotic traffic on the roads. With limited modes of public transportation, cars were out on the streets like ants. There was a even a 3 person per car restriction to drive into the city. It was hard to find gas as the loss of power had affected many gas stations and the demand of gas had exponentially gone up with generators and the number of vehicles on the road. Not a great day to travel.

I have an exam coming up next week which I need to study for. Since Sunday night, I haven't looked at my books. Blame it on the Hurricane. I really need to get back to business, get focused, and start reading. Class was cancelled today due to the Sandy aftermath. It was good to have a break!

I hope Ajo is doing well in Atlanta. I sometimes don't realize that he is not here. I guess in our normal work week, there are instances (perhaps too many) that I would only see him for 10 minutes or even if I see him, we would just talk for 10 minutes. Life is such in NY sometimes. I would call it the gridlock of life in NY.